Last week’s post Why I Decided To End My Relationship quickly became the most popular post ever on this blog.

I’ve received a mind-blowing number of messages from people saying that the post helped them make a hard choice, leave a relationship (or stay in one), or start a new career.

I learned something, too.

As a teacher, I need to be vulnerable, share my story, and most importantly, share the genuinely helpful insight I’ve gleaned from having lived it.

I know that’s why each of us is here on this planet: to live, learn, and teach.

Many of you asked to hear more about my breakup and how I got through it.

I want to share with you my experience of one of the most beautiful periods of my life, and how I began to heal the grief of needing to let it go.

So, here goes…


I deliberately manifested this relationship in my life.

One night several months before I met him, I was on the uptown 6 train headed to my fanciest friend’s dinner party at a glamorous townhouse where I knew there’d be a lot of mindless chatter.

I imagined I’d be alone in the corner stuffing my face with cheese or something.

I thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be nice to have a companion to go to these types of events with? Someone to hold my hand. Someone whose hand I could hold. And then we would slip out early together, run home, climb into cool sheets and cuddle.”

My mood became bleak.

I thought, “Jordan, maybe you’ll never have that kind of intimate romance. Maybe that’s not in the cards for you this lifetime. You’re doing other cool shit with your work, though, and maybe that’ll always be your only source of joy.”

It was a very depressing, fearful thought.


All of a sudden, a much brighter, clearer, better-feeling thought flew into my mind, almost like a flash of insight.

Some people say they hear “the voice of God” speak to them. I didn’t hear an audible voice, but it felt like the idea was placed in my mind by some divine force:

The perfect romance is headed your way. Your job is to clear your eyes and soften your heart so that you are ready to perceive and receive the miracle when it is given you.

Starting at that exact moment, I began to prepare my life to receive an important romance.

(I would later discover the book Calling In The One, which beautifully outlines how to prepare for and manifest a relationship.)


I believed deeply the romance was coming to me, and knew that when I was ready—when my heart was truly open and when I was willing to be vulnerable while at the same time being 100 percent true to myself—it would arrive.

A few months later, a trusted professional intuitive told me that a “significant” new relationship would show up in the days just before Christmas.

I met him on December 21.

That day was literally the darkest day of the year, when the hours of sunlight are fewest.

After I met him, each day got brighter and brighter.


I had wanted a relationship that expanded my vision of the level of intimacy that was possible for my life.

That’s precisely what our relationship did for me.

Like so many of you, I’m deeply sensitive. Like so many of you, over the years I built up a complex system of emotional defenses that kept out a lot of the pain of the world, but also effectively prevented love from getting in.

My partner, because of the incredible person he is, helped me to feel comfortable enough to be undefended with another human being.

He did his best to encourage and support my soul’s reasons for being here—which is the definition of spiritual partnership, according to Katharine Woodward Thomas.

And I did my best to do the same for him.

One of the most heartbreaking memories for me is that, truly, our bodies fit together like this:

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Perfectly. Seamlessly. A simple cuddle meant so much more than that; we melted into each other completely.

I imagined growing old with him, and loved thinking about spooning with my then-creaky-boned soulmate in the far future.


Eventually we discovered that, despite our best efforts, there were some interpersonal issues that we just couldn’t solve at the time.

I’m not at liberty to say exactly what these issues were, but let me say this: no betrayal occurred, nor did one of us cause the other deliberate hurt.

That said, it became clear that we were no longer working on our relationship; we were struggling with it.

The heart-stretching work of thriving in a spiritual partnership had become a heart-breaking struggle.


It was a mutual decision to break up. Despite this—or perhaps because of it—I was confused.

My mind was all over the place:

You’ll be fine. Go on with your life.
Wow — you just let the love of your life get away.
Don’t worry. You’ll get back together with him.
You were meant to grow together, but you were also meant to grow apart.

I went back and forth between numbness and full-blown tears.

Every personal relationship in my life suffered.

Any semblance of a diet or exercise plan went out the window as I emotionally insulated myself with food.

I gained 25 lbs (12 kg) over the course of a few months.


One day, I’m crying in the shower.

I’m emotionally numb, woefully and weirdly out of shape (like, I didn’t know you could have fat in that place), and seriously questioning whether I’d made a horrible mistake by ending my relationship.

I get a phone call. It’s The New York Times Magazine.

They want to take a peek into my life and run a full feature profile on me as a young, fabulous spiritual leader.

And they want to start following me around tomorrow.

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I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So I did both. Then poured myself a glass bottle of wine.

Note: I’m laughing as I’m writing this because it’s hysterical how not the right time it was for anyone to be peeking into my personal life, let alone The New York Times. Oh, Universe, you funny little shit.

I needed guidance. And I needed it immediately.

So, I reached out to some deeply wise people who I knew would give me some good, honest truth: Marianne Williamson, Robert Ohotto, and Dr. Deb Kern.


Marianne prayed with me as I lied on my couch.

Holy Spirit, please guide Jordan’s thoughts and perceptions so that he can make the right choice regarding The New York Times profile.

She paused. “Did you get anything?”

“I feel nervous all of a sudden,” I said.

I had a feeling the journalist might spin the story, much like on Sex and the City when Carrie, under the impression she was being photographed for a New York Magazine profile on being ‘single and fabulous,’ was horrified at the newsstand to find her ragged, pre-makeup, un-Photoshopped test shot next to the mocking headline: “SINGLE AND FABULOUS?”

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I didn’t want to put on an act for the journalist to make for a good story. I wanted to be myself.

We decided it’d be best to politely decline the offer.

Marianne assured me that I wasn’t missing out on anything and that another similar opportunity would come along just when I needed it, “if that’s what would serve the world.”

HONEST TRUTH #1

You don’t need to compromise your integrity because you’re afraid you’ll miss out on an opportunity. God has a bigger address book than you do. He’ll give you opportunities if and when it would serve the world.


I called Robert and he gave me the most wonderful advice, which allowed me to release my relationship and trust in the Universe’s plan for my life:

When you don’t know which choice to make, ask your body, “Which choice feels like forward movement?”

This was life-changing guidance.

After tuning into my body, I could feel that leaving the relationship was, at that time, the forward-moving choice for my spirit, even though my mind had 1,000 painful reasons why it was a bad choice.

HONEST TRUTH #2

Your ego’s voice is loud. In order to hear what your soul is saying, you have to tune into your body and the currents of energy running through it. Sometimes the thing your soul wants you to do isn’t the most comfortable choice.


Dr. Deb, an astounding professional intuitive, would say everything that I needed to hear but didn’t know I needed to hear, mostly about my life purpose and my reason for being here on this planet, and she said it in the most motherly and nurturing way:

You’re on the exact right path. You are meant to serve as a source of inspiration in this lifetime. You are so loved and appreciated by Spirit for doing exactly what you came here to do.

I immediately sensed so much power and strength coming from my job.

I certainly had the right to mope and cry and bemoan my misfortunes. The bad news is that this takes precious time and energy away from doing what I was sent here to do: heal other people.

HONEST TRUTH #3

Get off the cross. We need the wood.


The true saving grace of this difficult period of my life was my work.

Sometimes I felt lost and defeated, but each morning I’d say to myself, “If you can help one person to heal today, you’ll be okay.”

During that time, my job as a life coach quite literally saved me. It may seem odd to some people, I know, the notion of a wounded healer.

But this is precisely what many faith and wisdom traditions have taught us for thousands of years: the only way to ensure peace of mind is to give it to others.

HONEST TRUTH #4

No matter how lost or depressed we are, if we can manage to make ourselves available for the work of Grace in someone else’s life, we can fall asleep at night knowing that we’ve achieved some measure of truly, deeply meaningful success. As you help others heal, you are really healing yourself.

Every day, as I dethroned myself from the center of my universe and put someone else there, helping them to connect to the peace within them, I also felt connected to the peace in me.


A while back, I shared 3 practical spiritual tools that I must use every single day to maintain my sanity.

During my breakup, the most important was “evening connection.”

You’ll hear me talk about “evening connection” in almost every interview, podcast, or YouTube video I do.

HONEST TRUTH #5

Surrendering your life to a power greater than yourself every night before you go to sleep can be the most comforting and stabilizing part of your day.

I’ve become really good at it, if I do say so myself.

Every night before I sleep, I go deep within myself, to that place where I am connected to the Universe, and I come up with a prayer like this:

Dear Universe,

Tonight, I surrender my life to You because You know what I cannot know and You see what I cannot see.
I think I know what is right for me, what is meant for me, what will make me happy.
But the truth is, You have a dream for my life that is greater than any dream I could ever dream for myself.
Thank You for revealing to me tonight as I’m fast asleep how I can live in that dream.
Though I can’t see the big picture of my life, You can.
And so I trust in You to guide my footsteps.
Show me: where You would have me go, what You would have me do, what You would have me say, and to whom, that my life might be a channel for love, for joy, and for Grace.
As I fall asleep, let the hush of Heaven hold my heart.
And just as the stars hang above me in the sky, may You hover over me this night, tomorrow, and forever.

And so it is.
Amen.

This prayer is actually the Wednesday Mantra from my new digital album, Bedtime Mantras.

I created Bedtime Mantras so that you can experience what it’s like to deeply relax, release your fears, and reconnect with love at the end of the day.

I just press play, open my heart, and fall asleep.

Each audio track features an extra hour of the dreamy brainwave entrainment music, so I listen to the short guided meditation and prayer, and then allow the voiceless, soothing music to carry me off to sleep.

The prayers come from the deepest part of my heart and I hope they reach yours.

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My breakup taught me how to release my resistance to what is and allow the Universe to guide me.

We are not perfect. We are human.

It isn’t our perfection that heals people. It’s our humanness that does.

Whenever I get down about something now, I say to myself:

God is bigger than this.

HONEST TRUTH #6

Love, the organizing force of the Cosmos, is bigger than any painful situation. If we allow it, Love can envelop our minds and shift our perceptions from fear to faith.


Lastly, breakups challenge us to stand behind what we say when we say, “I love you.”

Do we really love someone if we refuse to allow them to follow their soul’s command to move on from a relationship?

Do we really love someone if we don’t honor every part of their journey, even those parts that don’t include us?

HONEST TRUTH #7

Love liberates. Love doesn’t grasp or possess. If you are grasping after or trying to possess someone, it’s not love; it’s fear.

May my love liberate you.
May my love take you where you need to be, even if that place is not here with me.
I remember an image of that holy instant when we recognized who we really were and saw our reflection in each other’s face.
I know you remember it, too.
That image we pressed into our hearts will never be lost.
I carry that heartprint with me this night,
tomorrow,
and forever.

Wishing you love,

Jordan

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